Smaller Groups, Less Brain Fog
I EXPERIENCE BRAIN FOG WHEN SOCIAL GROUPS REACH CRITICAL MASS
As a Sensitive Superhero, I have recurring episodes of brain fog when I’m in certain social situations, most often when large crowds are gathered in small spaces.
This doesn’t happen in concert settings like when I attended the Eagles Tour at the Chase Center in San Francisco in 2022 or when my youngest son and I saw Paul McCartney a few years earlier at the now-demolished Candlestick Park. It also doesn’t happen when I’m with family and a small group of friends.
My working theory: The People: Sq. Ft. Ratio
My theory is that there exists a critical mass under which I am fine: the ratio’s two quantities are the number of individuals in the room —to— the social capacity of the room. When the ratio is exceeded, my brain attempts to filter out the excess energy, resulting in brain fog.
I have no idea if this is a thing.
I don’t know what the ratio is, nor do I know how to measure it. But, it seems probable that one exists because my experience over the past 15 years has proven that when a given venue fills with individuals, a critical mass is reached, and my brain fog rolls in.
It’s as if my invisible social energy receptors are binding with every person’s drama and every negative emotion in the room until it becomes unbearable. Add crowd noise to that mix, and it’s a perfect storm for a MenPathic* meltdown.
*MenPathic is a term I coined to denote a male with traits of both empathic and highly sensitive persons.
Sometimes, my Spidey Senses start tingling, and a feeling of generalized but mild anxiety washes over me. Restless leg energy, a rapid heart rate, and mild claustrophobia can follow it. These are symptoms of a budding panic attack.
I was once at an employer meeting held in a San Francisco hotel. The anteroom was so crowded and the noise so overpowering that I had to leave and go somewhere less populated. After about twenty minutes, I tried to rejoin the meeting, which had, by this time, moved into a larger banquet room, but the triggered reaction continued. After another twenty minutes, I slipped out.
Not even the one-mile ride on a rented scooter to the train station calmed me down, and I continued to battle the symptoms for the additional 55-mile ride to San Jose. When I arrived home, I could only collapse face down on the bed and lay in darkness for hours.
I’ve experienced milder episodes and some that are more like full-on panic attacks in similar surroundings. It’s no picnic, and if you’ve ever suffered one of these, you know how debilitating they can be.
I attended a company potluck recently and didn’t react, but I didn’t speak to anyone either. Since I now work from home, I don’t get to know anyone except those I work closely with.
A MenPathic curse of a form of ESP?
We’re all on a different spectrum, and we Sensitive Superheroes are less sensitive to some stimuli and more sensitive to others. I wear sunglasses on a plane because the light bothers me. I also must wear them on overcast days for the same reason. That is why I prefer soft lighting to overhead fluorescent lights almost anywhere.
The fact that we are wired with more sensitivities than our non-MenPathic brothers has its challenges, but it also has its perks. I enjoy the hyper-sensory perception (I don’t mean extra-sensory perception (ESP) you’re most likely familiar with, but an advanced sense of knowing when others are keeping something from me.
For example, before she ended our relationship, I knew Karen was keeping something important from me, something she was feeling, and when she finally told me what it was, she prefaced it with…”And I know you probably already know this…so, here's what I think and feel.” Only then could we talk it through and move on from there.
My advice
If you’ve experienced this, I have some recommendations based on my experience.
Investigate, then commit or bow out. Find out as much as you can about the venue, the anticipated number of attendees, and specific people who might attend (if you're sensitive, extend to certain people). Being informed is better than impromptu decision-making.
Take two cars. When Karen was still teaching, there were holiday gatherings, fundraisers, and happy hours to attend with her work friends. Early in our relationship, I learned that my brain fog would start rolling in after about 90 minutes of socializing. Since she’d done the reading about my personality traits and knew from experience what my triggers were, she suggested that we start taking two cars. That way, I could leave early, and she, the extroverted social butterfly, could stay and have a good time.
When in doubt, bow out. If I can’t gauge the venue's size and the anticipated number of people, or if it’s going to be a bunch of strangers who probably have nothing much to say or contribute, I’ll often err on the better side of caution and not attend.
Talk to your family. Let them know what it feels like, and if you haven’t read the authoritative books - READ THEM; let your partner and/or family read sections that best explain what triggers you and why. If they care about you, they will want to know and do anything they can to help.
Don’t Forget The Holidays 😬
When the holidays approach, we’re at a higher risk for social anxiety. I’d urge you to take extra caution to do what’s best for your Sensitive Superhero side because if you don’t, you’ll be no good for anyone or anything.