My Story, Part III - Discovering My Superpowers
FINALLY MAKING SENSE OF MY EMPATHIC-HSP (MenPathic) PERSONALITY TRAITS AND EMBRACING MY SUPERPOWERS
It took a long time, but years into my “single-again-again” status, I started inching my way toward an awareness of my MenPathic nature.
For me, “MenPathic” captures the assimilation of your masculinity -in whatever way you’re comfortable with that term- and your empathic and HSP personality traits.
At this point, my story becomes less a chronological history and more a topical essay that describes experiences that led me to recognize and embrace my menpathic superpowers.
MenPathic Meditation
Based on my experiences thus far in this chronology, I’d either be a fence-sitter or an unbeliever in any higher power. Having been raised in the ultraconservative Southern Baptist Convention (SBC) of protestant churches, the religious culture in my home was based on its teachings.
This meant that homophobia (though not verbalized outright, it was a known position), use of alcohol, and premarital sex were topics associated with negativity and rarely discussed.
My maternal grandfather was a functional alcoholic and was violent at times toward my grandmother—so my mother stated—thus shaping her perception of abstinence from alcohol use. My dad drank an occasional glass of wine and nothing more. I used to drink British beer but never to excess. (In 2019, I gave up alcohol entirely due to the latent anxiety symptoms it suddenly started inducing.)
I came to terms with each of these religious biases and rejected the S.B.C.'s conservatism and deity concept once and for all.
As I wrote in my book, The Practical Buddhist, the development of Practical Buddhism as a personal practice led me to realize that there was more meaning and significance inherent in spiritual life without a deity than with one prominently featured.
While I don’t adhere to a belief in God, Spirit, Jesus, etc., as supernatural entities, after much study and investigation, I determined that such beliefs and their associated practices weren’t for me.
My personal experience revealed that there is more meaning and significance inherent in a spiritual life without a deity than there is with one prominently featured.
Instead, I learned that mindfulness meditation could be a more effective refuge for my HSP trait than prayer.
Whereas prayer is often focused on a request for deliverance from various ills or circumstances (usually of our own making), meditation is a gentle way of seeing them for what they are.
Meditation is a personal time for decompression, relaxation, and renewal when practiced regularly.
Meditation included no belief, no ritual (unless I wanted one), and no rules; there was only silence, solitude, and coming back over and over to breathe. Our breath is a patient companion, ever-present, and always available as an anchor when needed.
Most religions overlook entirely the connection between mind and body. This is unfortunate because there is so much positivity to be learned and experienced when one practices this connection.
More recently, I’ve found that meditation and mindfulness are the most valuable practices in my MenPathic self-care backpack.
MenPathic Mindfulness
It wasn’t until much later in life that I learned about activating my MenPathic radar via mindfulness. I didn’t know about it from a book on empaths or HSPs; instead, it grew from reading Buddhist literature.
MenPathic Radar is the practice of pausing, scanning, and reacting to stimuli in a mindful, considered manner. When we feel tense, pain, or uncertainty, we can consciously connect with our breath, investigate the root cause of our mental or physical issues, and adapt our response accordingly.
MenPathic Mindfulness is very much the same. When I feel that something is off in my emotional, mental, or physical states -it could be that I’m angry or hurt, short of breath, experiencing heartburn, or a sudden headache- I take a moment to inhale and exhale. I repeat this three more times, pausing my knee-jerk reactions.
When a triggering stimulus activates my Spidey Senses, I first attempt to understand how my body is reacting (shortness of breath, pain, confusion, general anxiety, palpitations, perspiration, etc.).
Then, I focus on the layer under the physical signs and investigate what’s causing my reaction. It could be that someone delivered a derogatory remark, that I’m in an environment that contains an excessive amount of stimuli, or that someone in my vicinity is experiencing physical or emotional pain.
There are times when I’m unable to identify the source of my reaction—that’s part of being an empath—but using this system to address my reactions not only helps to bring me back to my breath but also helps me identify the source of my reaction, consider more effective ways to respond, and prevent the same level of reaction the next time I encounter the same stimulus.
Learning about what overstimulated me was as important as developing practices that helped me adapt and adjust my reactive patterns.
How I Embrace My MenPathic Superpowers
For me, situations that trigger my HSP overstimulation include aggressive and Type A personalities, narcissists, and people who invade my personal space. Some crowd situations -but not all trigger my overstimulation; I’ve found that I can’t always predict when I’ll react, but like engaging in a physical fitness regimen to help stay healthy can decrease the severity of my reactions and position me to understand my traits better.
Here’s a list of those practices and tools that have helped me feel more prepared to adapt and adjust to my MenPathic traits and reactions:
MenPathic Meditation, as previously discussed.
MenPathic Mindfulness and its specific application for people like us, also as discussed previously.
MenPathic Journaling is a method I use to start each day; it centers my mindset and identifies what’s most important for the day. It’s perfect for those who hate to write or don’t think they’re the ‘journaling type.’ It helps create clarity and focus; every MenPath can benefit from these outcomes.
Spending time near the ocean, a river, or anywhere there is churning water. Water rushing against obstacles such as large rocks and boulders within rivers and the repetitive action of ocean waves crashing on the sand liberates negative ions from water. I can tell you from personal experience, having lived by the ocean and walked on the beach nearly every day for twelve years, that being near churning water has a therapeutic effect that soothes a turbulent and overactive mind.
Consuming more whole foods is never a bad idea, and for empaths and HSPs, it’s essential for mental clarity to limit complex carbohydrates and unhealthy fats that tend to cloud the mind. For clarity of mind and weight loss, I’ve found that the ketogenic and carnivore nutritional plans can result in both.
Educating myself about how others adapt and adjust. A note of caution is needed here: more than a few online resources focus on the negative aspects of the empathic trait. Although learning about such realities is necessary, it’s easy to become stuck in victimization mode. This prevents us from reframing our experience in a more positive light and embracing the superpowers we possess. See the links at the end of this post for more positive resources.
Though we are no longer a couple, there was a time when my deep connection with my partner, Karen, was very therapeutic. Though not an empath or HSP, she educated herself about why I behaved and acted as I did.
Cultivating relationships, whether friendship or love, with those who allow us the freedom to be ourselves is very beneficial for MenPaths. Equally important is cutting ties with those who are toxic; sometimes, we need to take a break from family members who continually trigger us or, sometimes, permanently.
My MenPathic Reading List
The publications listed below don’t represent all the titles and resources I’ve read, but they represent those I found most valuable or frequently refer to.
The Empaths Survival Guide: Life Strategies for Sensitive People, by Judith Orloff, MD - This book exploded my awareness and helped me frame my experiences, both past and present. It was key in assembling the scattered pieces of my menpathic puzzle.
The Highly Sensitive Person: Who to Thrive in a World that Overwhelms You, Elaine Aron, PhD - This seminal book on the HSP trait gets into the neurochemistry of how our brains function as well as how nature vs. nurture play roles in reinforcing our unique characteristics.
HighlySensitiveRefuge.com - a vast collection of articles on the HSP and empath personality traits run by Jenn Granneman and Andre Solo.
IntrovertDear.com - a site written by the same folks that focuses on introverts and HSPs, also by Jenn Granneman.
HSPerson.com - The website of Elaine Aron, PhD, author of The Highly Sensitive Person: Who to Thrive in a World that Overwhelms You. There are a lot of resource referrals on her site, including links to several past and ongoing studies into HSPs.
DrJudithOrloff.com - The website of Judith Orloff, MD, author of The Empaths Survival Guide - Life Strategies for Sensitive People.
The Wrap-Up
That concludes the three-part series of articles that have helped you better understand the traits/superpowers inherent in every MenPath.
I hope you also discover and utilize your MenPathic superpowers and live a vibrant life with minimal negativity.
As always, your comments and questions are always welcome.
We’re in this together!